Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
