Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
