I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
