just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
