I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
