So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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