I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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