So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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