we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
