I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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