I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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