her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
