I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
