I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
