Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
