He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
