If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
