Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
