he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
