Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
