Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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