Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
