woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
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You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
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Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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