That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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