In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
