Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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