Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There's always time for handjobs
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
