; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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