we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Randomize
