you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Sober January is a disaster.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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