then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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