I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
