dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
