everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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