Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
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the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
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I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.