I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.