what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.