Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"