i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
and technically it was a rebound
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means