My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
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I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
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I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.