Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
