remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
