If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
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The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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