Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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