Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
And then he peed in my hair
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