I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
