Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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