i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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