Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
