I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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