my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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