thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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