Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
