I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize