i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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