Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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