she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
