Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my vag is so smooth its legendary
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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