I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
