Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
