This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
