FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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