don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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