well I can't set my house on fire every night
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i think my cat just said my name.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
