can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
