just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I didn't notice because vodka
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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