we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
