The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
