so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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