Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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