Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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