I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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