i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
