I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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