I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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