Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
