I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
