girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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