On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
