there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
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Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you inspire me to be a worse person
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
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I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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