Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize