u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
