she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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